Buyer: Where?

Realtor: There.

Buyer: What, behind the 4 bed, 3 bath, 2 car garage brand new home?

Realtor: It is the 4 bed, 3 bath, 2 car garage brand new home.

Buyer: Silly, Realtor.

Realtor: What?

Buyer: You got me all worked up.

Realtor: Well, that is no ordinary home.

Buyer: Oh?

Realtor: That is the cheapest, newest, never-lived in, best deal in the area home you will ever set your eyes on.

Buyer: That is a shack at best.  Maybe a shed in today’s market.  Move on to the next house.  I hope it is more in line with what I expect, or I am going to find another Realtor that can get me what I want.

Realtor: I am warning you, but do you listen to me? Oh, no, you know it all, don’t you?

Buyer: Shut up and show me the next house.

Realtor: There is no other house… this is the best house.

Buyer: Well, how much do they want for it?

Realtor: $200,000

Buyer: Let me consult with my other half. Here is our offer on moving forward: First, they must accept our first and only offer.  If they don’t, their loss.  Then they must drop the price $30,000. No less, but possibly more.  $30,000 is the number.  Not $20,000 unless they are counting up to $30,000.  $40,000 will be better and $50,000 will be best.  But no less than $30,000 off the price.

Realtor: Are you serious?

Buyer: Take it or leave it.

Realtor: Okay, I will put the offer in then, but I have my reservations.  Have you at least been pre-approved for the mortgage?

Buyer: No, I am waiting for interest rates to reach 4% like the media says it is going to do.

To Be Continued…

(This is an adaptation of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  Any humorous events portrayed in this post are based upon REAL events as expressed from several Realtors that I have met.)

In the past year, the USA has spent almost $2,ooo,ooo,ooo.oo (two trillion) that we know of to bailout businesses (banks, cars, etc.) and individuals that cannot pay their debts.

In the most recent stimulus package, first time home buyers get a tax credit.  What do non-first time home buyers get? Squat! People facing bankruptcy have a judge on their side to help them keep their homes by re-structuring their mortgage.  What do people that pay their debts on time get? Squat! Big business just have to put their hands out and say we need money to stay open.  What do small businesses that are the true core of the American economy get? Squat!

Well, I cannot speak for the rest of my law abiding, tax paying, on-time debt paying, fellow Americans, but I can speak for myself.  I am tired of being the good guy and getting squatted on.  Here is my stimulus package proposal to you for me as a reward for doing things the right way:

1) Mortgage lender – I want you to lock my rate into a 30 year fixed mortgage at 4.0% and recast my mortgage on a new principal balance that is 10% less than the current balance.  Why?  Because you are already dropping rates, re-amortizing, and doing principal reductions for those that cannot pay their mortgage.  At least you know that I can afford the new payments and will pay them.  Oh, and if you do not do this, then I will be the next person in line to stop paying my mortgage and then you will have to do it.  And yes, my wife and I are struggling each month to make ends meet, but we do it.

2) Congress and President Obama – I want a tax credit double that of the first-time home buyer’s.  Why? I purchased my home during the boom. My home like many other Americans is upside down, yet I continue to live here and deal with the current economic situation.  With the money, I can at least start paying down my principal so I am not so much upside down.

3) Small businesses that make less than $50,000/year should be given a tax exemption for the next 2 years.  You are already bailing out the big businesses who are going to use your own money (actually my money as a tax payer) to pay their taxes.  Since you are not going to bail us out directly, let us keep our taxes to bail ourselves out.

I can keep going on with my provisions, but this is enough for now because I can always get the rest of my provisions and these even if you do not choose to accept them.  For you see, the way you have all set the stage, I can simply stop paying all my bills and close my company down.  How is this going to get me my demands?  Easy… stop paying bills because I am unemployed means bankruptcy.  The judge will restructure my mortgage because who wants to be responsible for throwing a family of four out on the street.  Now that I am unemployed, I can also start filing for unemployment, food stamps, welfare service, free insurance for my children, etc. etc. etc.   Then with all this money that I no longer have coming in, I will not have to pay taxes.  Instead, you will have to pay me for the tax credits that I do qualify for.

So suck it up.  Pay me my reward for doing a good job, or I am going to become a dependent of the USA and help contribute to our current economic failures.

Sincerely,

Jason the Mortgage Broker

PS. Fellow Americans, If you should happen to read this, please voice your opinions to the fairness and equal treatment of all Americans, not just specialized treatment for those the government thinks can help fix the problem.

1. Every Borrower shall receive the utmost attention, so that specific solutions can meet their specific situations.
2. Every Borrower shall receive accurate information regarding their status at any moment in the loan process.
3. Every Borrower shall receive the best in customer services.
4. Every Borrower shall be treated with fairness and respect.
5. Every Borrower shall have their wants and needs exceeded during and after the loan process.
6. Every Borrower shall receive professional advice for short term and long term goals pertaining to their home and its financing.
7. Every Borrower shall be given options in the financing goals.
8. Every Borrower shall receive the education and knowledge needed to make a wise, educated decision on their home loan.
9. Every Borrower shall receive full disclosure of fees, rates, real estate options, and risks to help with the decision making process.
10. Every Borrower will have a professional dedicated to doing what it takes to get the job done.

Call us today or apply now to start financing your home the “Right” way, because someone else might just stick you with a big “Bill.”

Oh, how much we owe!

The bills will come,

The monies all gone, this mortgage we should not have had.

Forget this debt, as we forgot our payments,

Do not deliver us to the courts

Or send us into foreclosure.

We would sell, but the market is just not there.

For in the future, we will use Knightlines. This mortgage we would not have ’cause they do care.

Amen.

Do not let this be you saying this prayer because you wanted a house you could not afford. While some brokers and lenders only watch out for their well-being, we at Knightlines Mortgage Services, LLC watch out for yours. Putting your faith in us will not get you into heaven, but it will help you keep you in your home.